yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
