i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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