So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
