Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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