Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My liver just had a heart attack.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
