you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
