so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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