grandma shit on top of the toilet
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
