I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
