Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
