First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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