Ambien. No doubt about it.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
