it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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