we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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