i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You made out with two different species that night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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