FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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