i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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