found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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