And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
