I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
