Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
