apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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