i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
