If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
