Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
