I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
