I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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