yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
