Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize