I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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