I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she looked like the before picture.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
