from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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