I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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