I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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