If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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