Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
