between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
