Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
