Moan for me like Helen Keller
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
