I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
