im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
