At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
