Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
