I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
