I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize