I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
