M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
