he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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