she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
True strength comes from lack of pants
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
