I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
