I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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