you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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