It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
