I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
