Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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