i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
