So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
