Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
