Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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