she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
